Dreading having that ‘difficult conversation?

There are many situations, at home or work, where we face difficult conversations that make us feel uncomfortable. This often happens with people we care about, which is why it isn’t easy. At work and as Managers, we must manage emotions and make sure that our conversations turn into positive outcomes.

Here are some useful tips on how to handle the difficult topics and conversations

1. Don’t overestimate the risk of having the conversation with the individual/s; Creating a story in your mind as to how it will go all wrong…….. that’s an avoidance strategy!
2. Where there are 2 individuals, understand both parties feel like victims and act to protect themselves.
3. Listen to the individual’s story to understand their perspective and conclusions.
4. Move the conversation from Blame to Contribution: Ever had the blame pointed at someone else or you? Then focus on mutual contribution and solutions. “How have we both contributed to this”; “How can we change it?”; “What can we do to move forward?”
   
5. Shift the conversation from Certainty to Curiosity: Be open to learning and acknowledging different perspectives. Example from “How can they think that?” to ‘I wonder what information they have that I don’t’.
   
6. Acknowledge the individual’s feelings to help them understand they are valued.
7. Use in-the-moment feedback to respond to body language and emotions. This helps the individual to say more or open up more.
8. Intent vs. Impact: Don’t assume that it was the individual’s intention to hurt or upset you. Share the impact and question the intent.
9. Be prepared for unaddressed feelings to burst [or leak] out. Unexpressed feelings block our ability to listen, and high emotion is often at the heart of a difficult conversation. So, there may need to be space for an outburst to happen.
10. Avoid assumptions about the individuals’ thoughts or motives, what they think or why they did it. Adopt positive assumptions such as “they are trying to do the right thing” and reap the benefits of a better outcomes.
11. Focus on the outcome and the part you play in that. When something happens, the outcome can often depend on how you react to it.
12. You really need to listen.
13. You need to ask good questions and be willing to hear the answers.
14. Reflect on your attitude and adjust it for a positive outcome. If you think the conversation is going to be horribly difficult, it probably will be! Try to adjust your attitude for maximum effectiveness.

Remember that we don’t see the world and other people as it is, we see it as we are. Meaning, the best way to succeed at difficult conversations is to come from an emotionally uncharged and “clean” place within you. If you’re all charged up in a blame-game or making the situation mean a whole lot more than it does, you’re bound to amplify the difficulties rather than move through them to the best resolution for all involved.

We can support you with conversations that feel too difficult. Contact Joanna at support@mckinneyhr.co.uk to find out more.

If we did our work with more positive assumptions things would look differently