When Brené Brown talks about empathy versus sympathy in her video she reminds us to stay out of judgement. Being trauma informed also asks us to consider what is behind the behaviour someone is presenting with. The NHS offer free online training in Trauma Informed Practice by creating an account on their TURAS system. https://turasdashboard.nes.nhs.scot/. Sometimes difficult conversations happen without warning. We’re caught off guard, unsure how to respond. Leaping to judgement about the other person’s behaviour is all too easy.
Tip One: Take a step back (literally or metaphorically) and in your head count to ten.
Tip Two: Notice what’s happening in your body, are you in fight, flight or freeze mode?
Tip Three: Relax your body and offer a neutral response that doesn’t escalate the problem such as nodding or keeping eye contact. If you’re on the phone just listen or make a listening sound such as mmm or aha.
Tip Four: Remember not to say things like, calm down or tell them their behaviour is unacceptable, even when they’re raging.
Tip Five: Managing your own response first gives you time to think and respond with empathy. Such as, ‘Wow, that’s a lot to have happened.’ Or ‘I’d feel angry/sad/confused too if that happened to me.’ In other words affirm that it’s ok to have feelings.
Tip Six: Remind yourself you are not the fixer of their problem. You are the listener.
Tip Seven: Stay in empathy, not sympathy and let them know you’re glad they felt they could tell you what was happening, or how they felt.
Tip Eight: Ask them what they need right now – it might be a break, a cup of tea or a referral. Don’t step outside of your skillset if they ask you for something you cannot do or are not trained to do. Do tell them what you can offer such as help with making the referral to counselling or legal services. Be specific and make sure you follow up.
Tip Nine: Reflect on the conversation afterwards. Think about how the conversation impacted you. Do you need to de-brief with someone? Would you do it the same next time, or try something different?
Tip Ten: Take away what went well and what you have learned from the conversation.
For a review or update of HR policies, please contact support@mckinneyhr.co.uk